HPV Guilt & Psychological Effects

My dear followers, 

In my previous posts I tried to share some info about basic HPV stuff, infection, and I wanted to address this guilt issue immediately. For some reason, doctors are always concerned about the physical concerns but what about the psychological side effects?

When I first found out I have HPV, I searched online for more info like you might have done and found out that there are so many people out there so scared, hopeless, feeling dirty and guilty. I have a name for it; it is called psychological HPV. Here are the symptoms if you have psychological HPV (this is just a funny name I just had in my mind and not a real health issue though it might be considered as such):

• Feeling constantly guilty after finding out you have HPV

• Feeling dirty and low self-esteem 

• Feeling regretful and playing memories from the past constantly (who gave me HPV and how did I get it)

• Being concerned for others (current partner)

• Worrying about being sincere (who to tell that you have an infection)

• Feeling sad, anxious and concerned about this issue all the time and so on...

         I just want to tell you this. Imagine me sitting next to you and holding your hand now. I am telling you that it is normal you have these feelings. These are the normal responses that our defense mechanism produce to handle the news. However, I am also telling you that these feelings are unnecessary. Nobody is dirty or should be guilty for something that happened out of his/her control. Indeed, when I think about it it is as riddiculous as feeling guilty when you have flu and crying over it when you contract it to somebody else.I find our society to blame for making it seem like it is the end of the world. It is a virus like other virus; the only bad stigma is sexual transmission. This is why not many people publicliy speak about it and address the health consequences. If you think about it you will realize it is irrational to be guilty about it. First of all I want to give you some statistics: 79 million people in America are infected with HPV and more people get infected each year. My doctor told me it is so common that when I walk on the street, I can see one of every 3-5 people have or had HPV. 

It is also the fact that the body clears it most of the time. Our bodies are strong enough to tackle with virus. Back to the psychological concerns, if you want to feel sad over it, do it but please realize it is not the end of the world and you can find some relief by trying to choose a healthy lifestyle. Here are some recommendations for you:

1. Talk it out. You found out you had HPV. Try to take deep breaths and first ask your doctor what to do. If you have someone you can trust and someone who will not judge you, talk to this person and share your story and concerns. Avoid judgmental people and immediately end the conversation if you are judged. This is completely normal and can happen to anyone. Professional counseling or a help of a loved one can make you feel better. 

If you think your parents would be understanding sharing this with them might be an option. Some people might be concerned for you more than you are and make you panic. Try to be rational and do not panic. HPV is controllable. You will realize you will feel much better after you share it with someone.

2. Examine your feelings. You can have 15 minutes or more time alone and try to ask yourself what do I feel, why I feel this way, is it rational to feel this way. Know your feelings and understand fears. Now try to play a game. It is called third person game. Slowly get out of your mind and imagine yourself as a third person, how would you soothe this person and how would you acknowledge these fears? It is kind of like mentoring yourself like somebody else. Shortly after this you will realize feelings of guilt is unnecessary and harmful for you. Try to repeat yourself that you love yourself, it is normal and it is just something in your life that you have, it is an experience for you to grow out of your fears.

3. Talking to your partner. The hardest thing is to share the news with your partner. My partner was extremely understanding and agreed to struggle with me. He looked after me for all the time and I am so grateful for this. Now, when you tell your partner this he or she might get furious, scared or it can even lead to a break up. It is important to know HPV is very common and it can even happen when you have a single partner. It is also essential to avoid who gave HPV to whom but try to look for solutions. If your partner gets angry and judgmental, please do not feel down because this is not something to be guilty about. You can reconsider your relationship if his or her behaviors dramatically change. 

My partner has always supported me but sometimes when we had fights he brought up HPV and he blamed me for being dirty. I understood this was out of anger and I knew he did not mean that but I could not help feeling low, I had times I cried and blamed myself but these things like stomry weather and clouds in the sky clear out. The important thing is not to define yourself with other people's opinions but give yourself the self-worth that you need. It is valid for all areas of your life, not only for HPV infection. 

4. Taking up new hobbies and being a health guru. Here is my favorite part about HPV. Before I was diagnosed, I was indulging in sugar, fast food and all kinds of unhealthy things possible. After my diagnosis, I started to try out new recipes and new health tips which made me feel great. I also started doing some more exercise and yoga. In this blog, I will also share which health modifications helped me handle my stress. It is also helpful to search for such things as it makes you feel you are doing something against it. However, be careful and do not turn it into an obsession. 

Now I know there is nothing good about HPV which can be deadly. But I cannot help thinking if I had not been diagnosed, I would probably have never adopted these healthy living strategies and maybe lead a more unhealthy life. 

5. Stop feeling guilty. Among all the feelings, guilt is my least favorite. It is worse than sadness since it is like a knife that makes you bleed slowly. You will catch yourself feeling guilty timeto time or concerned about future. Just like catching a fly, catch your feelings and reverse it immediately saying the opposite of the negative. We all have our ways to handle stress. When I have nothing to do, I constantly worry about this stuff. So find yourself something; a new job, a new hobby or new activities that will make you feel better and keep you busy. 

One important thing about life: What is going to happen is happen but we can do our best to handle stress and ilnesses. Another thing is what happened is already happened and there is no use to regret about it. Finding your self esteem will help you gain your happiness back. 

I always see hardships in life as an adventure. HPV is definitely not a pleasant one, but it is my story, my adventure. I have been curious to see how I would face the struggle and I am still discovering how strong I have been so far. Now think about it. This is your story and you will fight against it. You will be the hero of your own life and how you make yourself feel is extremely important. Most importantly, you matter and you are a creation of this universe and a child of this ecological cycle. You just need to find back your path back to happiness.

I feel this is enough emotional stuff for today. You can comment below how you manage your stress and tips for other people. My love goes to you all as always and I want to remind each of you you are not alone and you are loved.